You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
