Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
