bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
