I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
