That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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