Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I look better un-naked...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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