I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have tasted many bathrooms
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
