It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
