So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
