One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
