i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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