Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
