Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
