So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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