true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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