I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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