Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
