Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
