we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
