I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
