you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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