Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
