i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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