Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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