How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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