Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
