What did we do last night that was yellow?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
