I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Im part way to drunk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
