I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
