Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
