I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
