ya dads aren't the best wingmen
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
