OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
