In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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