Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
