I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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