Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
