You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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