i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
