10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
