I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
