i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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