I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
