Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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