I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
