GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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