i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
