You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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