He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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