Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
