You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
