Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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